Chris MADE me start a journaling challenge this week.
This was after last week when he MADE me drink wine and speak about my feelings.
After he MADE me speak about my feelings and before he MADE me journal – he wrote some things down in a card to show me what I do for everyone and how little I do for myself…
Chris has been trying to encourage me to do more for myself for a while and I know he’s right. My problem has been I don’t know how to stop.
Luckily I’ve found some clarity these past couple of weeks. I think it’s mainly down to Paddy being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes and the absolute fear that went along with his diagnosis.
Seeing the way in which Paddy has coped and accepted his new life has made me realise how incredibly blessed I am for all that I hold in my heart.
FYI I don’t say blessed lightly, I’m not a knob. I actually mean it.
So, as I sit and I begin my working day at 2pm on a Monday – I am calm, focused and seriously fucking excited at the prospect of getting to actually work uninterrupted FROM HOME!
How am I doing it?
Well let me share my perfect plan that fits around my sproggy’s, Chris and all the other shit we’ve got going on…
Firstly – I’m fed up of never getting anywhere fast with anything because of fucking housework.
Secondly – I cannot work and be responsible for Luna. I can. But it’s shit, unproductive and absolutely pointless.
Thirdly – I punish myself by creating an expectation of ‘stuff’ that NEEDS done. Like 100% if I don’t do it = death.
This is probably my worst habit, overloading to the point where I’m paralysed and feeling like a total failure.
Forth-ed – I never make time for me. As in EVER.
1. Get a fucking cleaner!!
Michelle starts on Wednesday and costs £10 per hour. It’s not rocket science – pay Michelle to do the time consuming, laborious tasks that stop me from progressing in the important stuff.
For example, being able to attend some sort of hoity toity mother and baby class with Luna. Or doing ‘shared start’ with Paddy at school. Or finishing my never ending business plan for NattyShedLife. The possibilities are endless!! Including – going to the pub and chilling the fuck out.
My working week rota:
In order for this to work it relies heavily on my counterparts; Chris, Alison, Cath, Dean, Granny Caroline, Granny Denise and Grandad Ron.
I need these people in my life to have their shit together in order for me to keep my shit together.
Does that make sense?
Starting work at 2pm 2 days a week has been such a treat. The instant relief from normally feeling like I’m never getting anything done is completely cured by knowing come 2pm I’ll be able to get on with work. So until then it’s just me, Luna and whatever delightful chores I’ve lined up for myself.
When I start at 2pm Chris takes over looking after Luna until she’s bedded for 6.30pm. Chris can then re-join me in the office if he’s still things to do. Otherwise, he’ll crack on with house stuff.
3. THE PLAN, THE P.O.A. THE E.T.A…
Writing it out helps me be honest with myself and how achievable my day is. Otherwise I’m just running about in my own head kicking my own arse.
We were leaving for a family day out on Sunday and it’s really quite something to get us all out the house with everything we need.
A 5 month old needs a lot of shit. So does a 2 ½ year old toilet training toddler who’s had a recent operation and is on meds.
And let’s not forget the newly diagnosed diabetic 9 year old.
Plus Chris and I who are constantly starving/thirsty need wifi, phones, chargers etc etc… There’s packed lunches, changing bags, toys, DUMMIES!! Juice, in car entertainment and for the love of god don’t forget the wipes.
I was stressed out on Sunday and Chris couldn’t help me because it was ALL IN MY HEAD.
Answer. Write it down. All of it. We’re not getting any younger, we forget – especially when Spencer is harassing you for ‘poppi pops’ and Luna has done her 3rd shit in 3 hours.
4. Gym Membership/ Me time
I know, I know. You pay it every month but don’t actually go. It’s a luxury, you’re skint, you can use the money for something else…
I’m no listening. The Woodlands is a health suite; it’s got a pool, a gym, sauna, steam room and jacuzzi. It’s overrun by old people. It’s relatively quiet and unassuming.
The Woodlands was also Chris and I’s saviour when we first started out as Mr and Mrs most hated couple of the year 2016.
We used it as a complete escape to get out of our own heads and chill out for an hour most evenings. The high intensity and stress of becoming a ‘blended family’ as well as the rigmarole of our businesses both going through massive changes made for some interesting desperate times.
When we moved to Mayfield – we didn’t bother renewing our membership. Looking back at the past 6 months and all the wades of shit we’ve been through; CMALive organising, managing 2 businesses, new born baby blues, illness, house sale, Paddy’s trauma, dealing with ex’s, generally knowing who your friends are (again)… I definitely could have done with it.
It’s also a place for the whole family. Paddy loves swimming, Sophie’s old enough for the gym now and it’s the perfect kind of pool for the babies. We can totally get involved as a family thing.
It needs consistency and commitment to feel the real benefits though. This means we need to make it a priority.
Second to Woodlands time is the general upkeep of the most beautiful woman in the world. It’s hard fucking work you know?!
I need to feel good about myself. I deserve to. I fell out of love with my body a while back when some prick took advantage of it. It took me a long time to appreciate it again. But now I’m through the changes of birth 5 months on with a stealthy 2 stone extra and 3rd belly… If I ignore this I’ll start feeling REALLY shit and that is not cool.
Therefore I MUST indulge in the following rituals; NAILS, SUNBED, HAIR DID, DIET and of course exercise BAYBAY!!
I know all to well if I’m not looking after me, it’s only a matter of time until I can’t look after everyone else.
Kids v’s Work v’s Life
It’s not easy, but nothing worth having ever is. I am in a really good place right now and thank fuck because I’ve been pretty dark of late.
I know it’s not going to be all sunshine and poppi pops everyday but I feel now that I have a decent routine in place it will help me get back out there quicker.
This is all trial and error and I’m sure it will evolve and change over the coming months, especially as the needs of the children also change.
I’d love to know how you all do it. Give me your best non wanky tips for the concoction that is kids v’s work v’s life!